Monday, December 12, 2011


Christmas is coming.  I have 6 kids.  So no matter where my head is these days, I still have to be thinking about them.  And making this a good season to remember for them.  We are both trying to stay focused on them right now.  What will make this memorable for them.  In a good way.

A friend advised me to stay in my house as long as possible.  It will save us money.  Or it will save me money.  And it prolongs things for the kids.  I'm torn about that.  She suggested just moving into a different room.  I've done that.  I sleep in the basement.  And even TFOMC (the father of my children) called the extra room in the basement "my room" the other day.  All the kids now know I sleep there.  I haven't completely moved in there I guess.  My clothes are still in the closet upstairs.  That's where I go to shower.

Would making the move completely downstairs change things enough for me?  Not really....  I want to be out from under the same roof.  I don't want to live in the tension.  But it's good for my kids right now.  And that's my focus for the next few weeks.

The process...what comes next....feels really overwhelming to me.  Both financially and logistically.  Emotionally?  Not so much.  I've been so good at keeping my heart to myself that we feel like really good roommates.  Who co-parent our 6 kids.  And the co-parenting has gotten a lot better in the past few months.  Even if we do have different opinions about the way some things should be.  I'm learning to voice my opinions about the kids more.  I'm learning to share the little things more.  I'm encouraging my kids to share with their dad so he can be closer to them.  All the while pulling further away from him myself.

Life is complicated right now.  I'm just trying to stay focused.

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