Wednesday, December 7, 2011


I'm really good at it.  Even when I don't want to go.

I went Monday and was honest about everything.  Then I left with my appointment for next week scheduled.  Once I started thinking about what I had said there, I started to think about what that all means.  What is my motivation for some of the things I said.

I'm really good at compartmentalizing life.  It's a survival skill I learned early on.  Really early on.  It served me well when I needed it.  And it works now when I have to be a functioning mama in the midst of a crisis.

But yesterday I felt like all my little boxes had been dumped out on the floor and I desperately wanted to put all those pieces away.  Except they were all mixed up.  And so was I.

It's not that I was so quick to stop dealing with my "issues" (for lack of a better word).  But I know that my time in therapy will be very limited in this season and I need to make as much sense of things as I can on my own right now and not wait till next week.

As I put things away, I realized things I am sure of.  Things I don't want to face and need to.  And things I need to face but just can't yet.  I have so many questions about what the next season will look like.  It's not the season I'm looking forward to.  I am looking forward to what comes after that.

So in this moment I am thankful that I have the time to think.  I am thankful for those who really get me.  And I'm thankful for the love and forgiveness I get to experience when I least expect it.

1 comment:

  1. Hey pretty girl!! I'm so proud of you! I know how overwhelming it can be to work thru the junk and on top of it to try and hurry it as fast as we can. I actually remember walking in to therapy and stating something like this.....OK, this is the last chance, go ahead convince me there is a God and He wants me to stay in this marriage, and do it FAST. Her response, pressure!! Don't you just love to watch them squirm a little? She also said, “Jesus is a gentleman, and will not force you to go where you are not ready, or not willing, in the journey of healing. He will meet you rite where you're at, and when you're ready His everlasting arms will hold you thru it”. You know my reaction.....blah, blah, blah:) But, she was rite. I'm so sorry you are hurting, and so happy and thankful you are pushing forward. I am excited and honored to stand beside you on your journey! Love you, Noelle