Tuesday, April 9, 2013

the one where I blame my step-mom

This step-parenting thing is so much harder than she made it look.  My step-mom started dating my dad when I was 5 I think.  They got married just after I turned 7.  Yes, she has been around most of my life.  Yes, I was still young and cute when they started out together.  I was easy to like if I don't say so myself.  :)  But she was just always there, with my dad, a part of my life.  I know I caused her grief.  I know there were times when she struggled with how to parent me.  But she did a really good job of being an adult in my life that loved me, was interested in me, shared herself with me.

How did she do it?!  I can't figure out the step-mothering part of my life right now.  Yes, my step-children are miles and miles away.  I have met the oldest one only twice.  I don't know how to build a relationship with her.  The younger 2 I spent some time with before their dad moved, before we were married.  I have only seen them once since.  Their dad goes to visit and I stay here.

The plan is for them to finally venture to our house this summer.  I'm nervous already and it's months away.  Even when I think we are on good terms and things are OK, I get a text, have a conversation where I am reminded that I am still very much on the outside.

I don't feel bad feelings from them.  I just feel nothing from them.  I don't know how to go deeper.  I don't know how my step-mom did it.  But she did.  She is a grandmother to my kids just like the 2 other grandmothers they have.  They know no difference.  But how do we get to that point?